A few weeks ago, social media was stressing me out, so I deleted some apps from my phone’s home screen. That’s a bold move for me. I usually use the excuse that social media is part of my job, which is true, so I can’t delete it. Deep down, though, I know it’s mainly an excuse to justify my phone addiction.

Usually my phone use looks like this: If I’m nervous, I scroll mindlessly. Bored? I check Instagram. Have things been quiet? Maybe the kids have texted.

And when I finally set it down, I realize I’m not really satisfied. Sure, sometimes I feel built up and encouraged, but not always, not usually.

I know I’m not alone in that struggle. A recent Harris Poll surveyed Gen Z adults (those ages 18–27) and found that almost half wish that TikTok, Snapchat, and X were never invented. Though 94% associate social media use with the word connection, 57% of users say they feel isolated. That’s not great news.

Instead of bemoaning the state of the world and sounding like a “get off my lawn” cranky lady, I’m taking steps to control the tool so it doesn’t control me.

Disconnect from your phone.

• Choose one phone-free day. (Can’t commit to a day? Build up to it. Turn it off for one hour. Then two. Then seven …)
• Use your phone only for calling or texting. Delete other apps off your home screen for one week. To paraphrase a Bible passage: “If your app causes you to sin, gouge it out.”
• Change your phone to grayscale display instead of color to reduce the beautiful colors that attract your attention.
• Turn on Do Not Disturb. You don’t have to be available to other people all day every day.

Reconnect to people.

• Connect with yourself. Pick up healthy habits that help prevent picking up your phone. Read a book. Take up woodworking. Become a brewer. Take a walk.
• Connect with your community. Ask your coworkers to go out for dinner. Talk with people before or after your workout. Invite a neighbor to a baseball game. Chat with people at a farmers market.
• Connect to church. A great place to find connection is with a group of people who believe in Jesus. Besides the spiritual benefits, you’ll find a number of physical benefits too.

Want to join me in this two-step process? Let’s disconnect to reconnect.

P.S. If you want to stop reading here, that’s fine. But do you mind if I take a tangent about the last point about church? If it’s been a while since you’ve walked into a church or if you’ve never been in one, you might have some fair concerns.

Churches are full of hypocrites. Well, there are hypocrites in church because, honestly, we all can be hypocritical. But are the churches full of hypocrites? Nope. There are lots of wonderful people there, and there’s room for you.

I might not be welcomed. I didn’t stop going to restaurants simply because one place didn’t have oil and vinegar for my salad and just put oil on it (🤢). I’ve been to churches where I wasn’t greeted warmly, where people said hurtful things, where I didn’t feel valued. But I have also been to churches that felt like home and members felt like family. Please don’t give up because of one bad experience.  

I might feel awkward. True. You might. But as a dear friend of mine says, “Awkward fades.” I’ve visited churches where I don’t necessarily know the hymns or the prayers or the traditions, but I am with people who love Jesus, love hearing about him, love praising him. Eventually you’ll feel more comfortable.

Linda Buxa is a writer and editor who thinks it’s ridiculous that as she was writing this she searched “how to limit cell phone use” … on her phone (🤦‍). But she has started taking her own advice. Her phone is already set to gray scale.

Want to read more about how to overcome loneliness and truly connect with others? Check out Lonely Less: 6 Steps to a Less Lonely Life by Pastor Mike Novotny.