I had lunch with a childhood friend I hadn’t seen in years. Our families spent lots of time together when we were growing up. Sadly, we had lost touch.

As we reminisced about “the good old days,” my friend also shared some old pain—her father’s verbal abuse about her physicality (ironically, she resembled him) and his favoritism of his youngest son over her and her other brother. 

I witnessed some of her father’s behavior, but at the time chalked it up to “teasing.” It went much deeper, and his verbal abuse was harsher behind closed doors.

Tears welled in her eyes as she talked about wanting to obey God by “honoring her father” in his old age, particularly now that her mom is gone. Unfortunately, he continues to treat her in ways that are less than honorable.

If you also struggle with this dilemma, remember that God’s directive for parent/child relationships is twofold. True, God tells children to honor their parents, but he also commands, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference]” (Ephesians 6:4 AMP).

When parents don’t live up to what God asks of them, children can still honor them by praying for them and ensuring their needs are met, without remaining the target of their abuse. 

By doing so, your heavenly Father promises, “It may go well with you” (Ephesians 6:3).