After a few years of marriage, Kim and I decided that we needed some counseling. With two kiddos in diapers, we were running on fumes and kept fighting about the same thing every few weeks. So after a frustrating stretch, we reached out for help and booked a session with a counselor in town. Honestly, what I wanted was for the counselor to say those three simple words: “Kim, Mike’s right.” (For $100/hour, I thought that was reasonable …) But sometimes you don’t get what you want. You get what you need. And I got what I needed, a long look at the sin in my own heart.

One of our biggest spiritual problems is that we tend to think that 99 percent of the problems in the world are because of “those people.” If only the liberals/conservatives/old white guys/young black men/fundamentalists/progressives/etc. would change, everything would be better. But God, like my old counselor, prefers to start with you. With your heart. With your level of love for others, including the amount of patience, compassion, and grace you have for “those people.”

Long before my counselor said it, Jesus taught the importance of focusing on our own faults. Read Luke 18:9-14, the parable of the tax collector and the Pharisee. Relate to the Pharisee who thought he was better than “other people” (verse 11). Imitate the tax collector who humbly cried, “God, have mercy” ( verse 13). And celebrate the Jesus who exalts everyone who humbles himself in honest confession (verse 14).